So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
