We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
