Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
