Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
