Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
