His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
