We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
