just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize