just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
