On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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