I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
