Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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