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i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
