I think I died a long time ago.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
