please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
