Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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