I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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