I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i drank out of a bidet.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
