So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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