I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
