I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
