Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
