i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
