Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
