CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
