if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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