yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
