You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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