You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
