Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
