pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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