Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
