Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
