Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Damn victory sex feels great
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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