and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
