shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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