reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
