I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
