You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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