Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
