I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize