Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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