I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Found your dick twin last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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