Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
