it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
