I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
