i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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