sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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