If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
