she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
