He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
