In the future we'll all be gay
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
