Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
