after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
wow bdsm is so cute
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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