so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
