If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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