Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
