Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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