I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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