pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
