Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
