With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
