like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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