Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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