I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
