Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
