So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
