You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
