why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
