i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
